Dear Reader,
I'm
frustrated, mad and just plain tired.
I've
never felt good, for as long as I can remember. Weather it's my
stomach, my head, not feeling like I got a good night sleep. Then
there's the pain. Either there all the time or something annoying
like my ankle hurts for an hour because I scratched my itch.
I
dealt with all of it until I couldn't anymore. I trusted doctors to
help me, but like so many I was turned away, told to sleep well or go
swimming. I was given medications and I took it all without looking
them up or learning more about them. Chasing relief is hard, more so
when no one will listen.
I
am on my 4th bead drop of Cymbalta 20mg. I want off this
medication more than anything but it's impossible. Your brain, your
body gets addicted to it. I'm not a depressed person, I never have
been. I've had anxiety but nothing like I've been feeling. All I want
to do is sleep, I'm totally emotionally blunted, and I have zero drive
for anything.
I have one good friend, who also has chronic illnesses but yet is obsessed with telling me how lazy I am. I have a tear in my back that causes me great pain and my body is not doing great with this taper. I am aware that this maybe a toxic friendship, but what do you do when you have no one else to vent to!
We
all deal with something and although we all know that we should help
ourselves sometimes we just can't and it's heartbreaking.
I
follow this facebook page; Chronic Pain Info and I see a lot of what
I go through.
I
encourage everyone reading this to do a deep dive into your
medications, into yourself and be yourself no matter what. You are
not alone in what you are feeling and those who judge us think they
are perfect.
My fatigue is unreal and the more I do, the more tired I am. I am not alone.
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