Dear Reader,
Did you every accidentally become friends with a bully? All fine at first, then suddenly their real self comes out and they do nothing but put you down?
I feel like everything I went through exaggerated my chronic pain issues and again made me a very anxious and paranoid person. I don't know who actually has my back and who just pretends to!
I was suffering in silence for so long, when I actually thought I'd met a friend that understood I told her everything! It wasn't even a trauma dump; it was little by little for almost 6 years.
COVID hit and she became moody, angry and outright mean to me. She would tell me I'm lazy on days where I confessed to her that I didn't do anything because my back hurt so much. She would tell me I wasn't helping myself.
I have degenerative discs along with tears. I just went through the process of being approved for a disc replacement. I've had multi-injections, medications, PT, Yoga, Acupuncture, Cupping and so many other things to try and relieve the pain. Yet, I was lazy and not helping myself.
The whole time she would complain about her migraines, her Lupus, her problems and I was nothing but supportive. She would belittle me about not doing anything about my pain, yet she was able to get medication to help hers! It was such a shock that everything turned like this.
It came to a head when I was in for emergency gallbladder surgery, she told me I was being too sensitive and that I wasn't on deaths door (I literally was). I haven't spoken to her since but the things she said still stick with me.
I had to vent, I had to get this out. I am still in shock that I didn't see it sooner. That I didn't put a stop to it sooner. Maybe I would feel like a weight was lifted, like I do now.
Find your person, the person who will have your back in rooms you aren't in. The person that will never tell you aren't enough, that what you're going through sucks and what can I do to help!! That person is out there and you need them more than you think.
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