Chronic Pain Thoughts: Volume 19

 Dear Reader,

After surgery they tell you to stay on top of the pain. I haven't had surgery, yet I can't stay on top of it. We live in a world where obese people get handicap parking passes and special treatment yet chronic pain is treated as though we are all just drug seekers. It's unfair and almost inhumane.

I'm not saying that everyone should be treated differently or worse because of how they are. I'm saying we should all be treated with understanding and the ability to obtain what we need to survive the day.

My cats and dogs have better availability to get pain medications that I do.

All the diagnosis's I've shared here are all the ones I've suffer with. I suffer and struggle everyday. If I didn't work from home I'm not sure I would make it though my day. I cry, a lot. Both because I'm in pain and because I'm so frustrated. Frustrated with my body, frustrated with my system and overwhelmed because I'm not who I used to be.

Until recently I was in a toxic friendship. I didn't realize it was toxic until it ended but she used to tell me “It's not that bad, other people have it worse”. I've come to realize that's not really fair because all of our feelings, pain and thoughts are valid. My pain may not be as bad as someone elses but who am I to compare. Each of us deal with things differently but most of us deal with it without any help.

I used to feel bad because I would talk to her about my pain and she would tell me to stop complaining, get active and just push through it. She would make me feel worse about myself because I couldn't get more active and I couldn't push through it, I still can't but now I don't feel bad. Don't let anyone treat you like this. Stay strong with people and know that your feelings, your pain, your thoughts and your boundaries matter.

I made it through Christmas ok. Time spent with my family never hurts as I don't talk to them about my issues and try to hide them. That's not really ok but it works for me. I don't want sympathy, I want understanding.

I am also stressed out as January is in a few days. My insurance deductible and max out of pocket starts over soon. I have: A diagnostic Colonoscopy, a first appointment with a new pain doctor and a Rheumatology visit all this month. I won't be able to financially recover soon.

Life isn't fair but I'm determined to make it though the other side.